Existance

When you experience something traumatic, its sticks with you forever. It becomes a part of you, a part of your every day, a part of your morning coffee, your newspaper, your ride to work, your new favorite song. And only you are the only one who fully understands the capacity of what happened. But what do you do when you are asked to explain what you are going through? How do you put into words what you carry around every day? And when you cant explain it, it kills you because you wish you could make that person understand, but you know you never will. And so you are forced to carry this burden for the rest of your life, and no one can help you make your days any easier except you...because you are the only one who knows how it feels. 

It's all so intense and can be overwhelming at times, but you've learned to accept it and its all so routine. Sometimes its like you're locked in this box and cant get out! Like you're being suffocated with all these emotions and you just need out. 

You've forgotten what it feels like to wake up with no worries or thoughts. 

February 14th

Ah, February 14th. The day of love, red roses, chocolates and excessive PDA. America loves it! Sitting at work, I over hear my boss talking about valentines.."i hate valentines day. it's like imposed loving..so enforced!"...I laugh to myself..sharing the comment to a friend on G-chat. 

Yes, Im one of those cynical bitches who hates valentines for many more reasons that most people do..not because im single, and dont have anyone to buy me flowers or take me to dinner, because i have that, but because like every other holiday in America, its so commercialized and overly done which makes it so meaningless! It becomes nothing more than the materials itself! Valentines day equals chocolat, flowers and dinner, and maybe a marriage proposal or something...I mean its definitely no christmas or easter, so it hasnt lost that much value (it actually has more, literally speaking) okay (pun unintended). But you get what I mean. 

A friend texted me happy valentines day, and i replied back thanx but its so over rated. He wrote back "where is your spirit for love and romance?".....and i replied..."it died along with chivalry"......He then proceeded with this very unexpected comment "i'll give it new life if you let me"....which i will admit made me smile..but i immediately realized how cheesy this was (sorry if you are reading this)...I proceeded to allow him to prove me wrong, and he accepted. But now I'm thinking, maybe I should have kept it at that because if chivalry were to come back...sadly, I dont think i would know what to do with it.